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Showing posts from March 9, 2014

Trich (Hair Pulling) - My struggle goes on

Right now I feel tingling. On my scalp. I do not feel stressed but my hands want to pull.  They want to sort out the bad hairs and feel victorious once I free them from their prison, my head.  I feel instant joy and then instant disappointment that I've done this again, and again throughout the day. I needed that hair that took two years to grow and now its gone.  But I want to keep going, because its soothing.  To pick out perfections, to make myself more perfect.  I don't cognitively access this, I just behaviorally, unconsciously do.  All day long I go through this cycle.  Feeling, pulling..happy, sad, disappointment.  I feel more perfect, yet more ugly, because I've done what you shouldn't... I hate it, I hate myself for doing it but I keep going.

Right now I'm typing, but my head is tingling and I'd rather stop typing and start twirling my hair...and if I find a bad one, a course hair I will pull it out and feel successful.  It's sad.  I hate it.

But …