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Showing posts from January 5, 2014

Do we really know how to be alone? Do I?

Do we know how to be alone?  We are now always connected.  But this scares me.  Even before I had a smartphone, maybe around 19, I was terrified to be by myself.  Literally, in a room alone... I think I was afraid of my own thoughts, my insecurities.  I think I afraid that if I had time to think about who I was, I would've been exhausted or disappointed in what I was.  I was afraid to be alone, to know myself.  I put my happiness in the hands of others...parties, social events, alcohol.  Getting attention in any way replaced the deepness of friendships. Being noticed was more important that being invisible....I mean why did I need so much.  I wanted to belong somewhere, but I didn't even belong to myself.

It took breakups, bad choices, silly things to teach me to be alone.  I literally had to train myself to be by myself.  I ended up in some weird, dark place where I did hide from other people.  I was a mess, a ball of worries, anxieties and my own worst enemy.  But honestly …

BOOKS: Swimming at Night

I don't quite remember how I stumbled upon this book, whether it was Goodreads or Nookbooks,  but I just was drawn to it and I am so glad I was.  It made me reflect on my life, with my my sister... 
I have a sister.  She's my only sister. We grew up, side by side, in what you'd call a broken home.  People usually thought we were twins despite our two and a half year age difference.  As the younger sister, all I wanted was to catch up to her, to be the same as her, and to win the affection of all the boys that seemed to like her first.  I was just the dorky little sister, with too much energy, who talked too much.  As we got older I became the center of attention as a singer, theater kid.  And she, who once was a child actor, strove to be a good example and to not draw too much attention to herself.  I would never know the troubles shes faced, the anxiety, the high standard she held herself to until I was older.  The complexity of a sister's love is just that, complex.…

Soundtrack: The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

itunes Preview

I absolutely loved this Soundtrack filled with Jose Gonzales and his other project, Junip!
Take a listen and enjoy the film as well!
KCRW Album Review