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And then there was Nolan...

I have a new role in life.  I never knew what this would feel like.  I did help raise my brother, I was 10 after all when he was born.  I've given baths, changed diapers and babysat already for years.  It has been a little while however for a baby to be in my life, one that I will see often and be close to.  College years and after that haven't presented me with that many interactions with babies and I was hesitant that I would handle it well.

I waited, paced for hours.  Waiting for my sister to give birth.  At the beginning, I was in the room, but I couldn't stop crying.  I wasn't even sad or trying but the tears would not stop, I cannot watch my sister in pain.  So after many tears and some hefty contractions, she got the epidural and felt a lot better.  I was just happy she wouldn't be in that kind of constant pain anymore.

I waited with my brother and mother, and then my dad and then my friends.  It was a long day, but not as long as some first time mothers.  I received a text from my mother, who was pacing outside of the birthing suite, to the doctors and my sister's chagrin. BUT, I ran into the room and saw him.  Living and breathing Baby Nolan.  He was officially here and my sister did it, she really did it.  Her face was priceless and she was doing okay.  I cannot believe it was over, and that the real adventure is just beginning.

He is perfect.  He is aware, looking around, looking at me.  It was a feeling I can not really describe.  I am an Auntie now, and I will cherish that title.  I will spoil him and love him and teach him.  His hands and toes and ears and fingernails, all of those things, the details, the very humanness of him...I can't believe it.  He is finally here in all of our lives.  How will he change me?  How will he change others?  What is his mark on the world going to be?  So many things we do not know, but I am going to savor the moments and love him effortlessly.

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