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Expectation Vs Reality : Valentine's Day

What is it about Holidays, Birthdays, Days...

Expectations build and suddenly you are freaking out, caring too much, or not caring at all.  What are the meanings of these feelings?

Valentine's Day comes around and you HAVE to be romantical or come up with the perfect thing to sum up all the things you feel.  Even if you are in a relationship, you cant help but feel that you are supposed to do something...why, why much pressure for guys and girls dumb, SO DUMB.

I for one put a lot of pressure on myself to create moments, magical ones and I get bent out of shape when it doesn't go according to plan...

This year I was already having an off day on valentine's day and I didn't want to admit it.  I am human after all but because it was Valentine's day I was supposed to be happy. in love and romantic.  But I just wasn't feeling it.  I was feeling weird and just could not shake this off feeling.  I had been harboring some emotions that I needed to get out, but I didn't want to ruin the day.

Man, that will kill you...holding things in my attempt to blow over the weirdness I ended up just being awkward and weird and boy could he tell something was up.  And what happened was way better than faking it, way better than playing into supposed-to-bes. Me and the boy talked, we talked it all out and spoke about feelings and emotions we hadn't before and it was sooo good and cathartic.  I was supposed to be cooking our craftily planned dinner but instead we hashed it out, and man was that what I needed.  WHO THE EFF CARES about making it the perfectly romantical Hallmark card of a night.  He actually wanted to listen and talk and work it out because we are in the relationship together.

I cannot tell you how amazing it feels to have someone on the same team...

Why did I do this to myself?  Work myself into a tense ball over what? VALENTINE'S DAY?  I felt stupid and silly....but I do like to have cute dates and moments...but one thing I've learned is that I am human and so is he and sometimes you may not be 100% and that doesn't mean you RUINED EVERYTHING.  It's just a day, and this must be growing up.

I hope I have many other days with my man.  Birthdays, Christmases, and all sorts of celebrations...but they are just days and we are just us...

Sometimes you just have to let it go, the assumptions, the expectations and all that, the supposed-to-bes.  I am learning to accept myself more and more everyday and in that learning how to love another better and better.  When you find the right person, they will hold your hand and not expect you to be perfect, and after the tears, and laughter you can then make dinner, open some wine and smile, knowing this isn't the end...this is a wonderful place to be, imperfect, silly, loving, accepting...with you....and me.
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