Skip to main content

Reflections: 2013

This year was a learning year and one that is very unique.  This year I had to understand how to be happy and to let myself enjoy it.  This year I seized the moment, lived in the present and said goodbye to fear.  I shed my unworthiness, I loved myself, and in turn received much love.  I was a rock for another, I was strong during hardship and I let myself be imperfect.  I improved upon listening and communicating and in understanding the needs of others.  I feel less inclined to be the center of attention or to try too hard to be noticed.  I have worked on the act of being...just being, not performing.  Looking inside myself and really working to know what that means and what it feels exist without trying, judging, obsessing, fearing...
some people never learn this...but I aim to.  My partner, he helps me to understand myself and my flaws, but he never condescends or punishes.  He accepts me and lets me figure things out, mainly because he knows I love a challenge and I am constantly striving to better myself.  We are never done are we, growing... I want to always grow and much as I love to be rooted and master my art, be the best, win the's comforting and scary at the same time that my brain is always evolving and who I am is I love is evolving and how I understand becomes deeper and more true.  My childhood innocence is completely behind me and I now take on the role of caretaker, homemaker, lover instead of student, child or novice.  I atone for my sins, I accept my responsibilities and I bask in the glory of aging.  I enjoy the knowledge I have now, I laugh at past mistakes, and I take a step forward into this next year with a feeling of agility.

I can do anything.

I don't think I honestly ever really believed this statement until this year, mainly because I have been a huge force of negativity against myself for so long.  I can do anything I put my mind to as long as I don't get into my own way.  I can search for new passions and let go of the old.  I can dream but still appreciate the now without getting lost in the clouds.  I can reward myself for meeting goals and know that I am allowed to fall.  But I won't rest there, I will get up again.  There is so much to see, to learn, to become.  The journey I have been on has taught me these things.  I used to be naive and blind to it all.  I think age and my self-work look good on me at this time.  I am ready for the next steps.  Whatever they may be.  I'm finally okay, at peace and willing to go out of my comfort zone.  After 10 years in Los Angeles, I'm ready for my life to begin!

Happy New Year. friends and fans of @alexinhwood!

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

To be or not to be...different

Uh oh. Here comes another anecdotal and self-aware journal entry blog post. Yup. You guessed it. So, shall we?

A lot has changed. New year, new President, new ban, new ideas...yet I am still me. New endeavors are in the midst.

I have since decreased most of my medications. And now I'm more me than I have been in 3 years. It's good and bad. I stopped therapy due to not having insurance but plan to go back once I find a new doc on my plan. Starting over....ugh. Not going to be fun.

But here I want to write down my struggle. I struggle to be who I think I need to be and who I am naturally. It's not about being cool or fitting in at this point. I already know I have a lot of "personality." About enough for two or three people. That's either your thing or it's not. Some call it quirky, unique, crazy, lots of different things. I've always had to edit myself in crowds and at work, in school...everywhere. That is why being on the stage was so easy for…

Candwich is back...back again!

The Candwich - Sandwich in a Can
The Candwich - Novelty? Gag Gift? Joke? Lunch? I'd say all of the above. This "sandwich in a can" is definitely silly and weird and I can't tell if it's the best thing in the world or the worst thing in world. Irregardless, I have had the opportunity of working with the Founder, Mark Kirkland, or as some call him the "Earl of Candwich." He is a genuine person and truly wants to give back and help "can" hunger. Mark is no stranger to controversy and has had his fair share of hiccups along the way in building his Candwich-opoly.

A Viral Sensation
Candwich went viral in 2010 when the New York Times broke the story about a rogue investor who ran a Ponzi Scheme and stole upwards of $145 million from creditors who wanted to invest in Mark One Foods Corp, Candwich's parent company. It took a long time to settle with creditors but Mark has successfully regained control of Candwich and wants to bring his sandwich in …

So this is thirty...

So this is thirty. I haven't been writing much because what you probably don't know is that my new job is to write. It's silly and something I fell into and I'd like for this blog and my many, many years of needing to express myself and tell stories to go into me finding this path. Once a storyteller, always a storyteller. I like to believe that this is true. Since I was young, I have had so much to say. More than most can keep up with. With that, I either entertained and wowed you or sent you running for the hills. Either way, I've learned from the cues and have worked to know where I fit in and when not to speak but when to write down. It started with journals, then poems, then songs, then this blog, more songs, and then I stopped. I transitioned from vomiting feelings on the page to thinking more strategically for an audience and thinking about my brand what I wanted to say to people who follow me. I don't know who realllly follows me, but if I w…