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Dear Friend,

Dear Friend,

I hope we are still friends.  Every time I see you we usually fall back into our usual routine.  You've always been my support and I've always been the kid just wanting to have fun.  But see we are older now and live in different cities.  You have a penis and I have a vagina.  Our worlds don't mesh as easily as they once did when our childhood hearts were always close.  I start to wonder how well I know you and how I am afraid I don't know you well at all.  I always was the one talking and you always listened, drove me around and met me wherever to hang out.  I always felt we had our unique thing with underlying flirtation yet you feel like family.  Always curious about what was going on your head and never knowing much about your emotions, I just knew we'd always be us and I was afraid that if that ever changed our friendship be changed for good.  You could've kissed me in high school and we'd know how it feel by now.  But you didn't and still we don't know.  So right now we don't text or call or message really.  I think you're dating someone but I'm too scared to ask.  I think about you all the time and wonder if you're happy or okay and it makes me remember how we used to need each other.  I know I may have hurt your feelings in the past or made selfish choices but I never thought I could lose you.  You never ask for anything. If you want something you have to ask.  If you wanted to ask me out why didn't you?  There always been "what if" and neither of us wants to take the jump.  While that is safer, we don't talk and I feel like I don't know you anymore.  It's interesting how you can not communicate with a person for a long time but they still are present to you.  I think about our friendship and I think I miss that and I wonder if you miss me too.  I wonder if I matter anymore and if you're upset that we don't talk.  I wonder a lot of things and if I text I doubt you'd text back.  Can guys and girls really be friends?  After 20 years I think we can.  I love you in a way I don't understand because you're one of my oldest friends.  You've seen me grow and change and always believed in me.  Please don't be gone.  Know that I'll always view you as one of the best and I will always pray that you find happiness. I can only hope that one day we'll be more in each other's lives and reflecting on how lasting friendship is hard to find and being a part of each others History has made us who we are in the present.

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