Skip to main content

Marriage: Bliss or Battlefield?

You know how our generation (80's-90's kids) all have divorced parents? Okay so not ALL, but most.  Our grandparents mostly all stayed together, through the 50's, 60's,70's so our parents tried to do what they were supposed to, marry their first love and have some kids.  But as years went on and women felt more power to ask for more, many married couples split up, leaving most of America's Generation Y in broken homes.  So that's our example.  Not the suppressed woman stuck in the kitchen in the 60s but the single parent, the dating parent or the "made" family parent home.  With such opposition and a high divorce rate what is the sanctity of marriage anymore and is the institution even worth it? Questions I'm sure many of you may be asking and are very common in this day.

Are we even cut out to be husbands or wives? Do we even know what that means?  If divorce is such an available out why do we ever spends thousands on a party and promise forever when 4 to 10 years later you could be walking out?  It just seems so silly if "forever" and "til death" isn't something people think is possible.  Marriage is work and takes more than love to stand the test of time.  Are people even willing to give it a try or does one just leave when it gets too hard.  What has our generation become? A bunch of entitled cowards?  Are we afraid of love?  Are we afraid to be stuck? Are our standards too high? Or are we finally open about not being able to be monogamous?

With so many of our parents setting examples of second chances and offset glances, are we capable of creating lasting marriages when we don't know what they look like?

I struggle with this often.  Not growing up with my dad at home I essentially was raised solely by my mother.  We moved out when I was five and make a go of it as the "Three Musketeers" for a spell and then morphed into a made family with my Step-dad and half-brother as the only X-Y additions to the formerly estrogen lead home.  Even then it wasn't a fairy-tale.  Even with a father figure at home, he still wasn't MY dad but cared for me as if I was his own.  That marriage is no longer and now I am left in the same boat.  Were these men the wrong men for my mom to love?  What does a loving husband look like? Will I find someone who will be my partner and will go on adventures and discover life together?  I definitely know now I need things I know my mom didn't seem to have.  Intense spiritual connection and passion and the overall similar idea of future and how to keep a home.  This is what I mean by needing more than love to make a marriage last.  You gotta have the 4 C's I think they are....

Companionship
Communication
Commitment
Compromise

You need these.  If you lose them, your relationship could be in danger.  Committing to someone in law, in the church, in your heart; those are serious things.  And my generation sees a bunch of adult examples of  "I can't do it anymore."

So many people are living like Whitney Cummings from the show Whitney, where she and her boyfriend live in un-wedded sinful bliss.  What to make of this super committment without the real commitment.  People love fully, have children, mold their lives, but when it's over, it's over....without the paperwork.  Makes infidelity a little easier, makes giving up and moving on a little easier and seemingly allows us to give it all without the weight of a lifetime commitment.  We want to avoid putting our kids through the crap, WE want to avoid the crap...so if we aren't getting married, what is it that we are doing really and what will this do for our children?

Not only has divorce shaped my view of a marriage, it has also tarnished my ability to think that there's hope for any sort of happily ever after.  People, grow and change and in marriage you're supposed to support each other through that whenever you're evolving at the same time or not.  But what I don't see in men, is any one guy stepping up to that, because women expect less, because they want less, because they want to take care of themselves.  This is you, or maybe it isn't.  Maybe you're waiting for THE ONE.  Maybe YOU'RE the one with all the hope and God on your side, guiding you through life's troubles.  You have faith, and you're in love...and your marriage, your future marriage will last! All I can say is good luck and I sure damn hope so, but with Facebook and friends who are divorced at 25, I beg to differ.  Love is more complicated than you think, so are people, and so is marriage, and so is the affect of the economy on a marriage, and so is our generation growing up in homes where Mom and Dad aren't together anymore....

I'd like to have faith, I'd like to be a romantic...but with innocence drifting far from me, I just don't know.  But I won't give up yet, I'll fall in love again...

I'll get married one day, if I find a partner in crime that is...for life.

comments?



Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

To be or not to be...different

Uh oh. Here comes another anecdotal and self-aware journal entry blog post. Yup. You guessed it. So, shall we?

via GIPHY
A lot has changed. New year, new President, new ban, new ideas...yet I am still me. New endeavors are in the midst.

I have since decreased most of my medications. And now I'm more me than I have been in 3 years. It's good and bad. I stopped therapy due to not having insurance but plan to go back once I find a new doc on my plan. Starting over....ugh. Not going to be fun.

But here I want to write down my struggle. I struggle to be who I think I need to be and who I am naturally. It's not about being cool or fitting in at this point. I already know I have a lot of "personality." About enough for two or three people. That's either your thing or it's not. Some call it quirky, unique, crazy, lots of different things. I've always had to edit myself in crowds and at work, in school...everywhere. That is why being on the stage was so easy for…

Candwich is back...back again!

The Candwich - Sandwich in a Can
The Candwich - Novelty? Gag Gift? Joke? Lunch? I'd say all of the above. This "sandwich in a can" is definitely silly and weird and I can't tell if it's the best thing in the world or the worst thing in world. Irregardless, I have had the opportunity of working with the Founder, Mark Kirkland, or as some call him the "Earl of Candwich." He is a genuine person and truly wants to give back and help "can" hunger. Mark is no stranger to controversy and has had his fair share of hiccups along the way in building his Candwich-opoly.

A Viral Sensation
Candwich went viral in 2010 when the New York Times broke the story about a rogue investor who ran a Ponzi Scheme and stole upwards of $145 million from creditors who wanted to invest in Mark One Foods Corp, Candwich's parent company. It took a long time to settle with creditors but Mark has successfully regained control of Candwich and wants to bring his sandwich in …

So this is thirty...

So this is thirty. I haven't been writing much because what you probably don't know is that my new job is to write. It's silly and something I fell into and I'd like for this blog and my many, many years of needing to express myself and tell stories to go into me finding this path. Once a storyteller, always a storyteller. I like to believe that this is true. Since I was young, I have had so much to say. More than most can keep up with. With that, I either entertained and wowed you or sent you running for the hills. Either way, I've learned from the cues and have worked to know where I fit in and when not to speak but when to write down. It started with journals, then poems, then songs, then this blog, more songs, and then I stopped. I transitioned from vomiting feelings on the page to thinking more strategically for an audience and thinking about my brand what I wanted to say to people who follow me. I don't know who realllly follows me, but if I w…