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Valentine's Day Survival Kit

Valentine's Day... a woman's obsession, a man's worst nightmare.  Ladies, this is on you.  There are many ways to survive this day without being depressed but without losing the idea of romance.

Lesson 1- Don't Assume/Expect.  If you are "dating" and haven't have your DTR talk to define exclusivity or what not, he may think he's off the hook for having to go all out for this day.  Not only this but men tend to shy away from responsibility.  So it's rediculous to expect or assume he will think in advance and plan something outrageous for you if you're not his yet.  Doesn't mean he doesn't like you, just means he might not buy into a "hallmark" holiday and will wait until the right time to share how he feels.  Why force it?  If he avoids you completely, ignores your phone calls and then makes up an excuse and hurts your feelings, maybe you're dating a douchebag or someone who has a girlfriend. 

Lesson 2- It's just a day.  Ladies, on any other day being single doesn't matter that much.  You hopefully have a job and friends and you're probably doing just fine.  Don't let "Sally Smiles Alot" in the desk down from you who gets presents and flowers all the time ever make you think you need that to feel special.  You can take care of yourself.  Stop whining.  If you were dateable and available and projected that you are confident and not desperate I'm sure you would not care so much and you probably would have a date for this day.  Take pride in yourself and love you, even if you're not tied down.  No one likes the girls who complain about Valentine's day, it just makes you look bitter and insecure.  If you're attached and something goes wrong, like traffic or missed dinner reservations or something of that matter, IT'S JUST A DAY!   Chances are you or he will make it up to each other.  Especially if your man knows what's important to you, if he's a good guy he'll at least try. 

Lesson 3 Create your own Happy.  Deal is, not everyone has a significant other.  What gives?  Take that day to pamper yourself.  Some friends might be busy, so what.  Find something you want to do and do it.  Make yourself your favorite meal and drink some wine.  Read a book or go hiking.  Whatever it may be, you don't need a man to do it.  Too many women I know are at the mercy of what men can and cannot give them.  But a woman should know what she needs even, without the man.  You can very easily make your own happy.

Lesson 4 Dont get drunk and call your exes.  Seriously don't do it.  Don't text, call, facebook chat, AIM, smoke signal, morse code, email, show up or anything.  If' you recently broke up, yes this might be hard.  If you're drunk, it'll seem like a good idea.  Please ladies, don't make it worse.  Just accept the fact you can't expect something from someone if they aren't with you.  Like the book says, he's just not that into you. 

Lesson 5 Don't Wallow in self pity.  No one likes a "negative nancy."  Chances are if you're upset on this day you care alot about what other people think.  You might think that: "...being single makes me feel unwanted, I wish I had someone special to get sexy for tonight, I'd like to go out to a nice dinner, why did we break up I wish I was with him tonight, or if only I told him how I felt this day could have been special..."  Sound familiar!!???...LAME!!  Don't let your whiny negative self talk tape get you down!  It's ok to feel a little leftout.  But come on.  Make a dinner with friends or spend time with your cat.  But whatever you do, no need to cry yourself to sleep over a normal day.  Just think, AT LEAST, the wrong boy didn't bring you flowers (when you're in love with his best friend), or your old flame that was gonna take you out was drunk and forgot about when he made the plans with you on instant messanger the week before, or the time you got all dressed up and while you waited he stopped by a bar got drunk and then went home and passed out while you cried....yes at least didn't happen to you, they happened to me.  But don't let things like that make you hate yourself, because the guy's were the assholes, not you.  You deserve someone who'll pay attention to you and love you as you are.  So if your single and not expecting some imaginable fantasy mystery guy to sweep you off your feet, this day will be glorious and without all the disappointment and drama previous years have brought you (me).

Take from me ladies.  I have made every mistake in the book on this day.  And I am over feeling left out.  I have been single most of my life, save a couple years or so.  I was always the one sitting alone.  I did have a couple of amazing times too because the boy actually tried and that was wonderful.  I've done dinner with friends, wine parties and other things.  It can be a nice time to share your feelings with someone.  But this isn't second grade anymore, there doesn't have to be candy and cards and teddy bears.  It sucks being the single bridesmaid at a wedding and this day can feel very similar.  Just try not to take this day too seriously because the point of it is to love yourself and and love others.  "You're a child of the universe, no less than the moon and the stars."  Don't let anyone tell you otherwise or any man make you feel less magnificent. 

If you're attached, let him do his thing,  Some guys like to be the one to plan and others are just lazy.  But if you're dating him, you should know what's on the table here.  Guys mess up sometimes, so take it easy.  If this day is special to you let him know, because boys will never care as much about this day as you will and he definitely cannot read your mind about what you want.  They care about you, but don't always know the right way to show it or say it.  Guys hate rejection too.  This day is full of pressure for them as well and if you adjust your expectations and CALM THE EFF DOWN, then he won't feel like he's being tested or forced to make this day special.  You want him to want to because he loves you.  Leave him hints or notes or set a plan if you're dead set on making sure he remembers.  The point is to spend time together, however that may be. 

xo Good Luck and Happy Valentine's Day to you all!! xo

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