Skip to main content

a moment in history

And there she sat, collasped and holding herself, for not in her life could she remember feeling quite like this.  In her mind she found ways to organize her thoughts and her life as best she could.  Often times slipping through the cracks, tears were shed in an effort to overcome that failure.  Though if she let herself see the truth, she'd know people rarely judged her so harshly as she in fact judged herself.  But on this day, in this moment, she knew something has been adjusted, changed, created, bloomed.  Was it the fact she didn't care anymore?  Was it that carelessness that left her heart open?  Was it being aware at all that allowed her to exist as she was this day?  Was it the absence of bitterness that allowed her to feel free of that dead weight? In her bedroom, she sat, recoiled under blankets on top of many pillows, trying to make something out of this fleeting nirvana.  Somewhere in this sudden silence, where the white noise of her constant mind usually resided, was a delicate moment of clarity.  She took a breath and now not holding on, just relaxing for the first time in a very long while, she knew.  The pillows felt like kisses and they held her up.  The blankets felt heavy and light at the same time, for the gentleness of the fabric on her skin tickled her but cloaked her in an embrace.  This was her favorite.  Here and now she was no longer sad.  The light seemed brighter even at dusk as the disappearing trails of sunbeams brought her new joy.  She did not want anything or crave anything.  She felt whole.  Those feelings of emptiness and betrayal and anger now didn't seem so heavy as lightness of freedom lifted her.  Can it be she was alive again?  Her eyes wide open, mouth agape, with the idea that this, could, be real.  She wasn't sure if her heart had exploded or if she knew what this meant, nor if she could control the outcome.  But as the covers fell off and she had nothing but her skin, she still felt full.  Was it her own power that left her dumbstruck?  Could it be him? Or was her own appreciation for who shes become that gave her such calmness? She knew that she finally loved herself enough not need anyone to love her but that she indeed loved him.  Not desperate or greedy, this love was distant and lingering.  Though even when he isn't there she's not weakened but his absence  She's empowered by her strength and knows she is enough.  As this woman sat there, this day she knew love and felt love. even as she was. She sat.
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

To be or not to be...different

Uh oh. Here comes another anecdotal and self-aware journal entry blog post. Yup. You guessed it. So, shall we?

A lot has changed. New year, new President, new ban, new ideas...yet I am still me. New endeavors are in the midst.

I have since decreased most of my medications. And now I'm more me than I have been in 3 years. It's good and bad. I stopped therapy due to not having insurance but plan to go back once I find a new doc on my plan. Starting over....ugh. Not going to be fun.

But here I want to write down my struggle. I struggle to be who I think I need to be and who I am naturally. It's not about being cool or fitting in at this point. I already know I have a lot of "personality." About enough for two or three people. That's either your thing or it's not. Some call it quirky, unique, crazy, lots of different things. I've always had to edit myself in crowds and at work, in school...everywhere. That is why being on the stage was so easy for…

Candwich is back...back again!

The Candwich - Sandwich in a Can
The Candwich - Novelty? Gag Gift? Joke? Lunch? I'd say all of the above. This "sandwich in a can" is definitely silly and weird and I can't tell if it's the best thing in the world or the worst thing in world. Irregardless, I have had the opportunity of working with the Founder, Mark Kirkland, or as some call him the "Earl of Candwich." He is a genuine person and truly wants to give back and help "can" hunger. Mark is no stranger to controversy and has had his fair share of hiccups along the way in building his Candwich-opoly.

A Viral Sensation
Candwich went viral in 2010 when the New York Times broke the story about a rogue investor who ran a Ponzi Scheme and stole upwards of $145 million from creditors who wanted to invest in Mark One Foods Corp, Candwich's parent company. It took a long time to settle with creditors but Mark has successfully regained control of Candwich and wants to bring his sandwich in …

So this is thirty...

So this is thirty. I haven't been writing much because what you probably don't know is that my new job is to write. It's silly and something I fell into and I'd like for this blog and my many, many years of needing to express myself and tell stories to go into me finding this path. Once a storyteller, always a storyteller. I like to believe that this is true. Since I was young, I have had so much to say. More than most can keep up with. With that, I either entertained and wowed you or sent you running for the hills. Either way, I've learned from the cues and have worked to know where I fit in and when not to speak but when to write down. It started with journals, then poems, then songs, then this blog, more songs, and then I stopped. I transitioned from vomiting feelings on the page to thinking more strategically for an audience and thinking about my brand what I wanted to say to people who follow me. I don't know who realllly follows me, but if I w…