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Showing posts from September 5, 2010

Silence in the chaos.

I'm excited for the weekend.  As things ebb and flow, I understand less and control less, as many things are beyond me.  I used to feel like I could handle more.  I've always been an anxious person, looking to do things correctly, maybe so someone would notice I was being good, or doing it right, maybe for the approval.  Of course then approval means attention, it means someone is singling me out to be maybe better than others who do things differently.  I feel like I was always that kid struggling to be noticed for fear of being forgotten or left alone.  Being invisible was my biggest fear.  So I sang louder, tried to be the best. and studied and sucked up until someone said good job.  Now nearing more and more to the quarterlife crisis, I can see, What gives? Who cares?  I guess I'm the only one. 

I still am looking for someone to say yes thats right, or no, don't do that.  But in all reality no one is looking out for me but me.  Following is boring now as I see my …


I don't know you
and that's okay.
I thought I wanted to
but it's better this way
You like the game
you like to play
but I don't want to be a part
I dont want to say

Just let it be
we can be strangers
and not know a thing
we can pass by and not need
no need to wish or dream of me
no need to make messy whats clean
just leave me be, just let it be

I don't want to hate or loathe
I just want to be left alone
there might have been a spark before
but now I've closed my door
not in anger or judgement
just pure apathy
let me be free to choose what I want
what is clearly best for me
Not knowing you saves me
from what couldve been
saves me from hurt
from a damaged friend
not need to fix or mend
if it aint broke
I wont break
Don't break me then.
Don't bring me into your damage
Don't put your drama on me.
Don't make something of what isn't
there is no you and me.