Skip to main content

aphorisms of goodbye

Thank you reminding me I was once in love.  Thank you for sharing that the timing was all wrong.  Thank you for not really seeing me, when you were all i knew.  Thank for waiting 2 and half years to finally follow through.  If love transcends the ages and can make everything right, than why did my eyes form rivers for a year in the night.  If now you know you love me, because I'm free and gone, that not fair to not let me go and finally move on.  You say you want a second chance but I gave you plenty, to love the girl who offered you my everything, my only.  Don't you know the meaning of a broken heart, i know you realize all your faults, but that doesnt warrant a new start.  Where we left it, it was fine to boldly let it stand, for a girl now grown and boy now thinking he's gone and turn into a man.  But babe, we got a ways to go and many years to come, if love and life bring us back to each other a sign from up above.  I cannot force my heart to try to simply let you in, when all those things you said dont leave me brain, they've built ditches they've sunk in.  Can't our love be friendship. the way that it has.  No disappointments, just simple and it works no commands.  Don't you see we tried it. we grew up, we changed, it's not my fault when I stopped wanting it, you began to see me again.  Now I feel nothing, though love never dies, I'm not broken or shattered or wanting to cry.  I am stronger and shut down and separate finally, from a boy who couldnt promise then or love me fully.  I walked away once and I have many reasons to, simply let that be the only time I'll have to choose.  You want to make me break you? You wish I was yours, or it just the "having me" that keeps you on the course.  I shouldn't have to tell you, I've got it figured out, there is no equation that will erase or deplete the doubt.  I don't want to wait for you to mess up to remind me this is wrong, or wait until I've crafted the perfect i love you song.  You say you can make me happy and you know what I need, but I feel that if you knew that you would let me be.  I make you happy and complete and let you be yourself, but what do I get when you put me on the top shelf.  I can't be perfect or say thats good enough, I have to be honest and I know I'm not in love.  I don't remember what it feels like to feel the way I did, time taught me to let go of the little things and to stop being a kid.  I'm sorry this means, you don't get what you want, but we know that song, we all know the way it taunts.  I have to listen to my soul and find out what it says, to see if you and me are real enough to try love again. 

You said what would hurt you most is if I didn't need you anymore, but I feel you were the one that taught me you couldnt give me more.  You were full of "i dont knows" and "I'm sorrys" and "I can't"...so I would be crazy to think this would be enough from a man.  You taught me not to need you, you taught me to grow up, and I now I'm fine being me and that I don't need your love.  I already cried those tears and got over being scared, how dare you tear me down with you because you want somehting that isnt there.  If you are geunine with this love you want to share, you're preaching to the choir baby, no one said life is fair. 

I'm sorry you waited too long.  I'm sorry that it hurts.  But being strong enough to say enough is the only way this works.  I am happy I make you happy, but love is not enough for me. there so much more to words my friend, theres so much more to me. 
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

To be or not to be...different

Uh oh. Here comes another anecdotal and self-aware journal entry blog post. Yup. You guessed it. So, shall we?

via GIPHY
A lot has changed. New year, new President, new ban, new ideas...yet I am still me. New endeavors are in the midst.

I have since decreased most of my medications. And now I'm more me than I have been in 3 years. It's good and bad. I stopped therapy due to not having insurance but plan to go back once I find a new doc on my plan. Starting over....ugh. Not going to be fun.

But here I want to write down my struggle. I struggle to be who I think I need to be and who I am naturally. It's not about being cool or fitting in at this point. I already know I have a lot of "personality." About enough for two or three people. That's either your thing or it's not. Some call it quirky, unique, crazy, lots of different things. I've always had to edit myself in crowds and at work, in school...everywhere. That is why being on the stage was so easy for…

Candwich is back...back again!

The Candwich - Sandwich in a Can
The Candwich - Novelty? Gag Gift? Joke? Lunch? I'd say all of the above. This "sandwich in a can" is definitely silly and weird and I can't tell if it's the best thing in the world or the worst thing in world. Irregardless, I have had the opportunity of working with the Founder, Mark Kirkland, or as some call him the "Earl of Candwich." He is a genuine person and truly wants to give back and help "can" hunger. Mark is no stranger to controversy and has had his fair share of hiccups along the way in building his Candwich-opoly.

A Viral Sensation
Candwich went viral in 2010 when the New York Times broke the story about a rogue investor who ran a Ponzi Scheme and stole upwards of $145 million from creditors who wanted to invest in Mark One Foods Corp, Candwich's parent company. It took a long time to settle with creditors but Mark has successfully regained control of Candwich and wants to bring his sandwich in …

So this is thirty...

So this is thirty. I haven't been writing much because what you probably don't know is that my new job is to write. It's silly and something I fell into and I'd like for this blog and my many, many years of needing to express myself and tell stories to go into me finding this path. Once a storyteller, always a storyteller. I like to believe that this is true. Since I was young, I have had so much to say. More than most can keep up with. With that, I either entertained and wowed you or sent you running for the hills. Either way, I've learned from the cues and have worked to know where I fit in and when not to speak but when to write down. It started with journals, then poems, then songs, then this blog, more songs, and then I stopped. I transitioned from vomiting feelings on the page to thinking more strategically for an audience and thinking about my brand what I wanted to say to people who follow me. I don't know who realllly follows me, but if I w…