Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from 2010

train of thoughts...

walking idly next to danger
as if nothing it is to me
who cares if I get bitten
or change irrevocably
intrinsic darkness hidden down
buried underneath
paint a smile
all the while
concealing the sheath
If I could have it,
goodness, I am told
stays with the youth
a sudden truth
and leaves us in the cold.
I had the power then
to see all that was good
I see too much,
know too much
where is my childhood.

Everything has consequence
I am never free
bound to being correct and right
nowhere left for me
And in it I am fondly held
by the rules and morals
of them
to walk along the treaded path
approval lies there and then
If only I could break away
and see a new light
to want what I want
to see what I see
to try with all my might
to get to where I need to be
and forget all the rest
never settle for second best
get to my dreams
set sail to the sea.

Holiday Greetings!!

Holiday Pub Crawl was a festive success!!
With Boys in sweaters and Christmas vests!!
Say Cheers! to friends and a Happy New Year!

Kisses from friends you hold so dear!!
Naughty or Nice friends gather together
To celebrate Christmas and love in our sweaters!!
Merry Merry Christmas from "Alexandria in Hollywood"

It's Christmastime in the city...

So everyone, it has come to be that it is the most wonderful time of the year!  That means shopping, decorating, caroling, wrapping and spreading love and cheer all around.  I have found there are some things that just make this season more wonderful and fun!!

-A Holiday Pub Crawl - Pick an area where there are multiple bars to wander to and everyone come dressed up in ugly sweaters and festive attire ie. Santa Claus, reindeer antlers, Frosty the Snowman, and so on.  Sing Carols walking to each bar, keep track of how many drinks you have!! Fun times for everyone! Good areas I've heard work out are, Gaslamp Quarter or Pacific Beach in San Diego, Hermosa or Redondo in Los Angeles.



-A Holiday Ugly Sweater Party- Friends with homes/apts large enough for a good group of people share some spiked eggnog and hot chocolate, drink some Maneshevitz, eat some matza and gingerbread along with your favorite fruitcake whilst listening to holiday classics.  Don't forget the craftly placed mis…

Good Scents will get you far

Now I am not one for frills and smells and perfumes, but I have learned that as much as I LOVE musky smells, men don't necessarily take kindly to the muskiness on me, because I am in fact female.  So I have made it my own guilty pleasure to keep what I love, but also search for something flirty, maybe even a little floral to see if I can properly woo the opposite sex with my sweet aroma.  Not only is that already a challenge to do, I am allergic to ALOT of smells and fragrances and you have to find one that matches with one's natural body scent.  I'd rather not cause myself or others any headache, quite the contrary, I am searching for a seductive and sweet scent but that keeps me relaxed and my suitors begging for more...

Here's a list of some finds that work for me so far, but I am still searching for the perfect perfume to create my signature scent.

Body Wash:  LUSH products are incredible vegetarian soaps, perfumes and body washes that use flowers and unharmful synt…

Lookbook.nu: My Look

http://lookbook.nu/ Check out this website for all your real life fashion advice from guys and dolls all over the world!! Cute, trendy, classic, all kinds!! Love this site and submit your own looks for rating! :)

Home Sweet Home

I feel like now that I live in an apartment with only one other person, the lovely Jessica Lyle, I can actually decorate.  Before I lived with two sisters and a friend and it was stuffed with their parents furniture and we were all claustrophobic and then I lived in a home with a 72 yr old lady whom I'd met while working at LMU.  Granted I cannot afford to collect and decorate a home and I am not in the place to amass "stuff" but I have my eye on making our little apartment a cozy home for us. 

We definitely try to keep the common areas clean so people can come over at any time.  I have to say we do a really good job of it, and I have never been this neat in my life.  I think living in an older woman's home trained me best because it was her home, and I only rented out a single room.  In that way I couldn't leave my stuff around.  I took all the with me and now I try to keep things in their places, which if you see my room is some sort of organized chaos in my ec…

No Vote Alex

I feel a little bit ashamed.  Maybe embarrassed.  I always considered myself someone who really cares about what goes on with government, enough to be a Republican and enough to be not just someone that sits on the sidelines and complains about regulation and taxes.  I for one love being able to vote and express my choices on the ballet every 2-4 years or so.  But this year I have failed my own voice by not registering.  It did sneak up on me and I'm not going to a university where then, I was constantly berated to Rock The Vote.  But I do feel a little left out now and honestly, ashamed.  I'm an adult.  I could've put it on my calendar or put a note in my blackberry to register so come Nov. 2nd I'd be ok.  But I didn't.  And now in this sorry and ridiculous run for governor of California I can't complain about what a shitshow it will be either way.  I cannot express how I feel about education or gay marriage or legalizing marijuana.  I can't vote so I can …

before the ash

If I knew what to say
I'd say it
If I knew what to do
I'd do it
If I knew anything at all
I'd be able to fall
and let myself love you
and enjoy it.

If I knew how to stop
I would
I'd give it all to you
if I could.
But set in my ways
cant attach these days
letting go, I should

But loving you is just too good
I can't get stop, won't stop
a girl charmed and then woo'd
give me something bad to hate
So I can change my mind and escape.

too much to fall and hurt
too much to see it burn
not waiting to see if you're mine
to get told I'm not the one
to be told I'm not the one
I'm not strong enough.
I can't do that this time.

But loving you is just too good.
I can't stop, I won't stop
a girl charmed and then woo'd
give me something bad to hate
So I can prevent the break

is it all possible to have you
now until the end
or are these just thoughts
of someone in love
hating herself
for letting her heart to hold you

caring

To care less
would make me non existent.
for so much of what drives me
are the feelings and inspirations
that propel me to do what I must
my heart's rhythms are often broken
by the discordance of what should be
and what is to too hard to control
if i look up to the stars for guidence
and hear nothing and no one

who is here to say that I'm ok.
to be so aware of myself and to care
too much about others and their plight
how do I let go of the world's problems
maybe its easier to tackle theirs than to solve my own
but my heart breaks all the time
with lonliness and a sense of angst
that forbids me to feel free of stress
because there's always something to obsess over
and if I think about it long enough I might discover
some new wisdom and understanding.
some sense of calm in knowing enough
some sense of control over a potential outcome
how so I let go of wanting so much
how do I let other people handle themselves
so I can fully work on me
and how do I not take myself too…

kiss in the street.

I remember when you kissed me in the street
turned just hanging out into a date
how did I even drive away from that face
when you said I could go to your place

I didn't know then how much I'd learn
or how you'd change me and let me be me
How letting go of old loves and letting it be
a sense of self and fun adventure overcame me

You didn't mind I talk too much
or contradict myself endlessly
you didnt mind how much I drank
even though it made me more silly

and you held me close
I withered away
to some other fantasy land
finally nice to fall just once
in the arms of a man

too late to get out then
i was already in
two hands two lips two hearts
joined again

and as time would let it grow
and burn and grow again
I wouldnt have guessed
that you would be him

delicate and steadfast
you always accept what I am
never hating on the way i do things
or agree with me when Im down

You build me up to see the things I should
you give me strength to choose
and remind me I deserve the best…

about blogging

One thing I love about having a blog is to be able to spill.  You know,write without censor, a stream of consciousness thing.  Many times I try to be organized and find a theme or even try to help by posing good ideas or thoughs out there.  I am an overly aware person.  I'm so sensory and expressionistic that I even get lost in my own metaphors as I try to see myself outside myself, when really I should just exist and be happy as is.  But as I admit to making things more complicated than they are, I do also make some more beautiful.  It's in my neurosis that allows my imagination to see things beyond the palpable and epicurean.  My feelings allow me to be able to see into things that many times others ignore.  Yes it can be exhausting, but it's also inherently me.  I'm also not a perfect writer either but I do enjoy getting it all out there and being able to publish it has a dangerous but feel good quality about it, because someone might read it.  This post is kind of …

words.

Who are we?


when we mold

we change

we grow

we're strange

we fall

we break

we love

we make

we sin

we cry

we laugh

we die

The Reveal

Today was one of those days where I got a stark realization.  It is something that occurred to me while reflecting on my day, my behaviors and my feelings.  The odd thing is, why I hadn't necessarily seen it before and in all my self awareness.  I realized today a specific insecurity.  Everyone has them because in feeling insecure, we think we can protect ourselves, by buying into the fear of loss and acceptance or editing ourselves to fit the mold to make our true selves less vulnerable to attack.   Sounds like some sick lie to me.  Now, I have always known that I've been different from the pack and as in WALDEN POND states I may dance to a different drummer,  I have always felt the music just the same, just differently and on my own time.  As in all things, people like to draw out meaning from anything but I know it's in the things that make me feel wanted, accepted and free that bring me peace in myself.

I realized even more today how much I overcompensate to make other…

Halloween in Haunting its way on over....

***UPDATED: *** Halloween Costumes. How does one decide? You could pick a popular trend or celebrity or go with the basics. I for one refuse to spend alot of money on halloween so I usually rummage through my closet and then Aahs, Aardvarks, thrift stores and Target/Walmart for the little things. I'm usually successful as I tend to collect costume pieces and accessories anyway!! So I just thought I'd give some ideas and advice for cool costumes:!!

CHECK OUT MY 2011 costume page Sparkle Barbie's Big Adventure

Lara Croft Halloween 2010 -  Made from household items, found clothes.  I purchased two small guns from Halloween store and made my own holsters out of cardboard and string Dog the Bounty Hunter and Kenny Powers - FABULOUS Lara Croft and Cotton Candy :D Cailtin as Pebbles from Flinstones!! IM ALL ABOUT HOME-Made <3 Garrett bedazzeled this jacket for the effect  Daft Punk from TRON Cruella Devil Rosie the Riveter!! :D Black Swan My friend OWNED this and it was before …

the rain

It's raining really hard right now in Beverly Hills.  It's a very different city without the sun kissing our palm trees and welcoming doe-eyed talent into our arms.  Ominsce clouds loom and leave us crowded in our buildings wondering what to order in for lunch.  Somber as it may seem I am content and cozy with this fine day.  The thoughts of cashmere and hot cocoa and cinnamon sticks, allow for the future holidays to cross through my mind.  In it I am home and warm thoughts and feelings come back and make me miss connections with family and loves.

you?

When all has turned gray and I am hanging by a thread
leaves of fall and the branches seem dead
a darkness wave, but happy instead
are these eyes, is my heart, is my soul.

as ghosts surround and tell me their tales
I wonder if in my trials I have failed
to reach my dreams from peaks to vales
in this life in which I chase.

talent-filled but forlorn and waiting
daft steps towards greatness abating
I want to run towards my fate, elating
"Take me, I am yours!"

With the lark mourning countless nights, alone
a girl now seeing lights and a world she's outgrown
to far again from something like a home
to nurture and be loved, Are you there?

Truth

When you look at me
I don't know what you're thinking.
Though I know you well enough.
There are always surprises and new laughs
And I always make it harder
when things are tough
Though I live in metaphors and signs
You're honest and simple and direct
I try to stand within the lines
and you break barriers and sets
Never leading anything astray
I am constantly working
to keep my demons at bay
I see your passion
and reach for every part of you
one at a time, one at a time
I feel lucky just to know you
especially how I do now
What have I learned?
Who have I become?
some neo-Alexandria, where is myself?
For as you cloak me in viceral bliss
I cannot thank you enough for your attention
You're lovely and realistic
and I'm melting into it
You never tear me down, you make me high
You never make me feel less,
or make me want to die
You are gentle with me in heart and mind
and I am so thankful for all of who you are.
I gave this chance to someone different
someone I though I…

Climb Every Mountain

Los Angeles is one busy city but has access to just about anywhere else (i.e. Vegas, Santa Barbara, San Diego, Malibu, Hollywood).  There's so much to do here even though living in LA can prove taxing with all that smog and traffic, it makes you want to just stay put and deal with where you're at.  But if you plan it out right or maybe in some cases, don't plan at all. you may find some hidden gems here in Hollywoodland. 

       I have been searching for some calmness in my life.  If you too, have been looking for a way to center I'd suggest hiking!!  This Saturday I went to Runyon Canyon Park with some friends and went on the tough trail.  At 9:30a the heat hadn't spiked yet and the haze was just about to burn off.  As I enter from Vista St, I am greeted by a Bernise Mountain dog, a Pitbull, and a slender great Dane that walked right up to me and  walked just beneath my hand for a pat on the head.  You can bring your dog if you wish and they don't even need…

Favorite Dress

Everyone has one.  Here's mine.






Got this dress for $15 at FLASHBACKS on 6th in Hillcrest in San Diego, CA Sandals: $12 Rite Aid Sunglasses: $5 Forever 21
I rarely wear a bra with it, can be belted.  Perfect for beach coverup, shopping, before photoshoots, just about anywhere.  It's simple and comfortable and I always get compliments on it.  Sometime's simple is ok.  I feel girly yet its still cute enough to wear out and about and not look like a bum but have some 80's style.  What's your favorite weekend dress?

Hello Me: From: Me

It's natural to second guess yourself.  Everyone can be a little insecure from time to time.  Some more than others, more often too.  How and when can we come to really love ourselves and find out who we are, accept our flaws, our humanity but constantly improve our personal bests!

How does this work?  How can we be happy with who we are?  No need to sit in a rut and hate how you look or feel.  You really can change it for the better. 

Now I don't know if today is just a good day or not, but I feel like today is one of those days I'm completely confident in myself.  I'm unique, I'm special, whether or not others recognize that.  I feel like I can do anything.  Why this sudden ecstacy?  It may be the fact I just got paid and I paid my bills and I still have money, that I have a new budget or even that my birthday is coming up.  But whatever it is, I feel good about it, better than I have in awhile.  I've really learned in the past month how important taking car…

with no words.

its hard not to use obvious words


to explain how something feels

what does love mean anyway

sometimes the only way to say it, is to compare

because theres so much beauty in the world that cannot be described

as well as love, there is no label, no degree, no noun

there's only action.

To touch barely, the wings of a flagrant hummingbird are the gentleness of those fingertips.

and only by comparison can I even communicate the level of my care. 

only in rich text and prose can I allow to share all the intangible, unclassifiable, ineffible

you.  Just to tell you isnt enough, just to show you isnt enough.

After

You soothe me like cashmere
After
Even when you're sleeping
you reveal to me new things.
to see you is to know you
and I crave in my bones, you
leave me wanting more,
After

With a citrus sun, we are awoken
in tangled arms and legs,
listening to the lark and love sounds
we caress like silk on newly showered skin
flashes of our dance, effortless romance
I love it when you won't let me go,
After

Speechless am I, no words can come
though normally I speak for hours
My mind is blank; my hands are numb
from the trembling, you are a tower.
no rescue from your force
no answers to my ponderings
but I'm calm in the angst that drives our affair
After

And when my bed is warm and withered
from your now apparition
how can you let me be alone this way
in this my delicate condition?
and even whenst our lips parted
remind me again of their meeting
our hands our heart our minds,
greeting,
After.

To rise and fall with you,
After

Six Feet Under

Where were you when I needed you the most.
So cold sitting here on the stone
the earth swallowed me whole
and dissallowed my new birth

For all the autumns and springs
when will new life bring me
to the surface of my grave
telling the world im here again

Dead undone unwon
who's waiting for my return
a simple girl with complex dreams
a web of jilted hearts and seams

I care not for faux tales of love
only truth in what's above
Hardend not by life's themes
as I welcome the quest of reconnaisanse

I will find where those evils lie
and I will forgive and forget
and though I've come and died
Through fragile undead I will live.

Heart's lament through hollow halls
Searching for the darkness
offering light to all that withers
bear not sorrow for I am home.

Silence in the chaos.

I'm excited for the weekend.  As things ebb and flow, I understand less and control less, as many things are beyond me.  I used to feel like I could handle more.  I've always been an anxious person, looking to do things correctly, maybe so someone would notice I was being good, or doing it right, maybe for the approval.  Of course then approval means attention, it means someone is singling me out to be maybe better than others who do things differently.  I feel like I was always that kid struggling to be noticed for fear of being forgotten or left alone.  Being invisible was my biggest fear.  So I sang louder, tried to be the best. and studied and sucked up until someone said good job.  Now nearing more and more to the quarterlife crisis, I can see, What gives? Who cares?  I guess I'm the only one. 

I still am looking for someone to say yes thats right, or no, don't do that.  But in all reality no one is looking out for me but me.  Following is boring now as I see my …

untitled

I don't know you
and that's okay.
I thought I wanted to
but it's better this way
You like the game
you like to play
but I don't want to be a part
I dont want to say

Just let it be
we can be strangers
and not know a thing
we can pass by and not need
no need to wish or dream of me
no need to make messy whats clean
just leave me be, just let it be

I don't want to hate or loathe
I just want to be left alone
there might have been a spark before
but now I've closed my door
not in anger or judgement
just pure apathy
let me be free to choose what I want
what is clearly best for me
Not knowing you saves me
from what couldve been
saves me from hurt
from a damaged friend
not need to fix or mend
if it aint broke
I wont break
Don't break me then.
Don't bring me into your damage
Don't put your drama on me.
Don't make something of what isn't
there is no you and me.

I'm right here.

you're on the road
and I'm at home
you're living your dream
and I'm alone.

you say you'll bring back a number one
while we spend our mintues on the phone
and you stay out late to drink the pain away
baby I know you're traveling but I want you to stay.

WHat about us?
what about me
what about the promise of a family
there aint no place to that kinda of thing out there
baby if you come home to love me, I'm right here.

You got your guitar, that band, those shows
Baby I'd never wanna come in bwteen and make you choose
but I'm getting restless sitting down on this porch swing
Baby did it mean it, you'd be back when you gave me this ring.
maybe did u mean it, what you said, did u mean everything?

The rockstar life is what you'd always planned on
we didnt expect our love to leave the light on
but we couldnt dare end what we've made
baby you and me test the times of fate.

Lady in the Water: MGA Photography

I had some incredible images surface from a photoshoot this past weekend with the lovely and artistic Marisa Guzman-Aloia.  We spent time in the sun and in her salt water pool at her Palos Verdes Estates home to capture some lovely images.  Take a peek!!
Her twitter is @mga_photo and her website is
http://www.marisaguzmanaloia.com/


For more photos in my portfolio check out my ModelURL
http://modelurl.com/aembleton/photos/My-Portfolio-11843.aspx