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Showing posts from 2009

The end of a decade - 2000-2009

Wow this sure has been some decade!

From graduating from 8th grade, to high school at OLP, to football games, proms, plays, college aps, SATs, uniforms, LMU, the boys, McKay, Rosecrans, theater classes, open mics, learning guitar, athletics, first loves, summer loves, first hangovers, Marians, Rocky Horror, to moving into my first apartment, to best friends, to saying goodbye, to interviews, first real jobs, student loan debt, WMA mailroom, WME reception and today...

Such a decade with so many lessons, so many new faces and so much more to learn. I am looking forward to 2010 and what that decade has to offer!!

When I get you alone...

So I guess I feel like I may be finally recovering.  It has been a long road and one that has been twisty and full of giants rocks blocking me from the path, having said that, I believe I can now look forward. 

I have never in my life been too happy being alone...until now.  I guess I just realized you can't always turn to others to solve your problems or make you feel happy.  Happiness comes from within.  I have been very unhappy inside for a very long time.  I fooled myself to thinking I was happy in and out by being in a relationship.  I was, I really was, but I think I was hiding from really finding who I was by investing everything in someone else.  Now that I am on my own after some depression and despair, I finally feel alone but in a good way.  No one expects anything from me, which usually makes me depressed because I don't like feeling unimportant and like no one needs me.  But this time it is good.  I don't have any energy to spend on anyone else right now.  As…

Love love love, Crazy love...

I don't believe that there is just one person out there, for anyone.  There is no true love, there is no fairy tale.  This does not mean that I do not believe in love or passion or a great love, just that despite all the romance and movies and stories, we all must be realistic and live our lives in appreciation off "what is" than constantly break ourselves apart for what "we think it should be."

Throughout my life I have been in the middle of divorce, heartbreak and disappointment, but I have also been in love, completely infatuated, and loved in return.  All of that has brought me to where I am today, and I am in constant edit mode on finding new perspectives on love and life.

Trust may be the easiest AND the hardest thing for me.  Because I so easliy trust others and have high expecations, I easily get hurt and disappointed, so to over-compensate for that, I have trouble trusting and therefore I am sometimes not that reliable to others, for if they can't …

My 2009 List of Favorite Fiction Books

I don't know if I have an order of which goes before the other, but just like music or a movie or a poem can change your life, so did these novels, change mine.  I cannot say that I am a great reader or one who reads often, but my life has allowed me some time for these incredible words that gave my heart and imagination some light.  Now I am the kind of reader that feels a part of the novel and become very invested in its characters.  I like books with a bit of wit to them but mostly ones that are smooth, with sentences and prose that roll off your mind's tongue as they flow in and out of the psyche.  It amazing at any rate that we can read a book at all, looking at symbols and knowing what they stand for, knowing whats someone says through literary elements, punctuation, grammar and so many parts of our language that communicates.  These books got to me, either through its flow, language or tone and taught me something valuable that I believe I should share.  Not everyone ta…

If ya like it, then you shoulda put a RING on it!!

NOOOO I am not engaged, but I am anticipating my diamond ring to be returned to me after seven years!!!  This is so exciting.  My diamond fell out in my uncle's pool when I was 15 and my parents are just now able to get it back to be refurbished, shined and improved!! I cannot wait to get my ring back after all of these years and finally be a part of the pact again.

My sister and I received matching rings at the July 27, 1996 nuptials after the benediction at the alter in the wedding that my sister and I gave our mother away.  It was beautiful and a planned surprise that I will always cherish.  It we be so wonderful to wear a ring as a reminder of our family and how it has grown and stayed together throughout these many tough years!!!

Because I have not had it for some time my sister's and mine are no longer identical, but it will always be special as it has grown up just as we have. 

White gold!! my ring!!



Good v. Evil

There are many evils in the world that tempt us everyday!.  This is just common knowlegde.  Without evil, how would we value the good?  How could we separate it unless we judged the degree of good in our lives, based on the lack or surplus of it.  Everyone sees evil in different shapes and sizes and what may be one person's serpent could be another's miracle.  But being raised in the Catholic tradition since birth, certain evils seem to have stayed steadfast as such my whole life.  But in the process of maturation and seeing the world through new eyes, those of an adult I can only question what now, is good or evil.

Evil could be debt, liars, the government as it is now run, socialism, carbs and all sorts of silly things that affect my life. 

But one good evil thing about my life is alcohol.  What is so good about it anyway.  I really couldn't tell you anything good about it at all except for my joy and enthusiasm for the art of beer and all it's many tastes.  It seem…

The Importance of Family

Hello peoples!!

I just wanted to touch on the idea of how important family is and should be.

Not everyone is blessed at growing up in a two-parent household, or knowing their parents or having siblings.  But one thing that keeps us all together, grounded is family.  Despite the feuds and fights and quarrels, you should never ocstracize yourself or your loved ones from participating as a family.  It should not be taken for granted.  And even though people disagree and don't fit in, they are there for you.  Parent's aren't perfect, you are not perfect.  So why in all of our expectations of each other to we tend to take sides and begin to fall apart?  Furnish relationships with forgiveness and love and remember, no one can care more about themselves than them.  You can only give so much and be so much for your loved ones.  But the point is to show up, to offer, to be there when no one else will.  Family is family.  And you usualy only get one.

There are quite the many lone wo…

That is all!

My Christmas Wish List!

1.  Michael Kors
     Very Hollywood
     Eau de Parfum, 1 oz or 1.7 oz. MACY'S $45-$65



2.  UGG Classic Cardy Gray Boot
     Size 6/6.5
     $140 Nordstrom, Victoria's Secret or Sport Chalet




3.  Sephora Gift Card

4.  A roundtrip to Boston

5.  500-count sheets Navy or Brown
     Target $30-$60

6.  Chargers Women's Jersey/ actually a Child Large would be better (and cheaper)
     $65

7.  Britney Spears Singles album $29.99
8.  Gift card to Victoria's Secret/ Target
9. 
Thanks MOM!!

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Hey Everyone!!

Just wanted to remind you all to wear your pink ribbons and clothing and help support awareness and education for this special month of October!!

I know my Marians ladies at Loyola Marymount University will be rockin' their "Save Second Base" shirts this month and spreading the word.

Donate and educate and save those Ta-Ta's

For more information Check out
http://ww5.komen.org/
Susan G. Komen for the Cure.

even rock your Victoria Secret PINK gear!

DUTCHWEST.TV

Ok First of all, this is the best improv, comedy short, sketch-comedy, awesome group since SNL! If you like UCB (Upright Citizen Brigade) and other silly adventures, I'm sure you will love this. They poke fun at current events and all the things that make you go, "Huuuh!" They do live shows have quoteable lines and are constant pushing the envelope!!Video Favorites are "Gay Assasins," "Toyota Faggot," and "September." I found out about this website and group in 2006 and they still keep me laughing. Give 'em a chance and get a chuckle!! I'm still trying to locate an older video they took down!! Where one man cat-sits and then his friend falls in love with her and a cat-napping occurs and a dildo and a sword are involved somehow. Let me just it's a timeless classic. They definitely need more talk by the watercooler and need to be on funnyordie.com so they can get their name out there! Check 'em out!http://www.dutchwest.…

the end

When it's done
you'll know
when it's done
you'll grow
When it's done
you'll move on

How come
it is hard
to mend
a heart
and to
separate
from who
you were

To love again
who cares
while alone
you wouldnt
dare
though dreams
are all you have

you reach
for what
you want
but push
it far
to make
you feel

that somehow
somewhere
who you
loved there
isnt washed
away

who are
you anyway?

am i
safer now
now that
i am
alone
am i
closer now
now that
i have grown

who will
tell me
when I'm
done
with being
done
and dumb

and love
me for
who i am
and not
for what
I've done.

RUSH STREET Restaurant

Hey all!! Just wanted to let you in on a little secret!

RUSH STREET RESTAURANT in Downtown Culver City. I chose this venue for my recent 23rd birthday party (eew, its just wierd saying 23) anyways it was pretty awesome. Here's the highlights.

So I made an 8pm dinner reservation for a saturday for about 11 people. We got a little section with a long table in the back where we all fit comfortably. The first floor is the restaurant with a long bar and many belly bar tables and bar stools, a patio out front. We enjoyed over lovely gourmet burgers and pastas and belgian ales. Everyone seemed to gloat about the food, which was nice since I had never been there before that day and didn't know what to expect. My friend had suggested this place to me and after looking online I decided to pick it.

GOOD CHOICE. Not only was the food great the ambience was also fun. Our waitress was superb and set my group up with stamps to get into the second floor club/lounge area where they have a full b…

Artsy pictsie

Dreams :: Interpretations

Ok so I am in a funk. This funk has been caused by a series, yes series of dreams that I can't quite understand. I haven't been dreaming very much, but the last couple nights, they have been very vivid and memorable in my mind. So the only way to get out of this and not burden my friends/family/priest, I'll spilll the beans here and try to lay it all out.

Dream one: Family, loss, death of Shayan

Ok so this was wierd. I can only paraphrase because it was the other day. But basically for some reason I was creeping around outside my Uncles Corey's house. And I'm nto sure why. But I noticed that he was home and with what looked like a garden party or something. Not really sure. Then I started to feel left out because, why wasn't I invited. Then as I walked around the house I was somewhere else, at a home I didn't know. It was a huge family and everyone was crying. Then I found out my friend Shayan had died and no one told me. It was service at the …

til there was you

There were bells on the hill
But I never heard them ringing,
No, I never heard them at all
Till there was you.

There were birds in the sky
But I never saw them winging
No, I never saw them at all
Till there was you.

And there was music,
And there were wonderful roses,
They tell me,
In sweet fragrant meadows of dawn, and dew.

There was love all around
But I never heard it singing
No, I never heard it at all
Till there was you!

Pretending Not to Care

It's so much easier not to care
to give up
let it tear
to see a picture ahead of where
your life may lead.

And if you don't let it in
you'll be fine
separate
you win
but alone in where
you stay sunk in
fighting with yourself

you're too young to give up now
but you're to dumb to know how
to break the news to yourself
you deserve the best

what you get is second rate
and someon'e offered you the open gate
but bells and whistles call you
and you walk, you run away

It seems better on the outside
even though you're dying to fit in
the one you wanted doesn't want you back
and past comes back again
and when you aren't ready
you let fantasies waltz in
to break you into pieces girl
too soon to fall again.

when is it your turn
to smile
when it it your turn
to not be a child
will they help you grow
and bring back old Joe
that held you back then

or will a new promise bring
happiness
and love
and a peace
in your heart
that cannot be compared
to any other
peace

or is this just make believe

It's easier n…

Letter to you

This is a letter to you
I wish I knew
what to do
But in trying to find me and you
im alone again
in all of our silly fights
you keep me seeing delights
in dreams and fantasies
the man of my dreams

so how come I let you go
where does the love show
when who I am and what i know
tells me to run away

from hear and there
to far and near
you're never close enough
to find out if we will win
the test of this trust

sending you wishes from
where I am
over leagues and stars away
keep my wanting and seeking more
but trying to keep the feelings at bay

why do you love me so good
why do you accept what no one would
why do you care
why do you stare at me
like I am good enough
for your love.

I thought they made me damaged
but I damaged myself
now what good can
come of what wouldve
been great before I was a shell

I broke you down
I made you frown
all twisted and interwined
I said goodbye
I made you cry
and no one here has won

But even after all these years
nothing can keep us apart
then whats wrong with me
why cant I believe
and follow whats…

Matt Hires :: Lex Land

Last night I had the opportunity to attend a show at the wonderful Hotel Cafe off of Caheunga and between Selma and Hollywood blvd. It was a galant evening as I waited in traffic on Sunset on my way to the Cafe. My friend Eric has been traveling with Matt Hires as his manager and I've been very excited to see him perform again and this time with a a bassist and drummer. Chatting with friends who I knew would be there, made the evening that much more special and Matt up on the stage singing, whistlin and jammin away. It was wonderful too this time because I have his album and I knew all the songs. It felt good to see him up there, makes me want to really try to do the same thing. It is what I have always wanted to do. Now on itunes, check him out. You may have heard his songs on Grey's Anatomy or Private Practice and he is actively on tour.

Matt on Facebook

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=1990541&id=8463371029#/matthires
When I least expected it I was taken aback by the …

Time Travel

I saw the Time Traveler's Wife the other day and it was wonderful. I mean you can never go wrong with Eric Bana and Rachel McAdams now can you? Not really. Well these two molded very well together on screen. It makes you wonder could time travel be possible? Is it something to ADMIRE OR FEAR. Innocence saves us from many things and I believe that in trying to control our lives and to constantly find knowledge and truth, knowing everything would detriment our society. Then it comes into a matter of fate and destiny. Do we really make the choices for ourselves or is there a predestination that is an over arching plan for each of us?

Who knows...

But this movie makes you questiont that just a little bit. The love story is romantic but it's also very frustrating. What if you couldn't control when you travel through time. You see snipits of your life, past and present and have to constantly piece things together and expect whats going to come but live in the present. …

Living a life i have not

Maybe it's Glenn Beck's Common Sense and extremist conservative views that have been getting to me lately or the fact that the goverment is running the econonmy down the shitter. Not really sure what's going on these days other than I do the same thing five days a week and I never feel richer (more rich) or better about the money I make because I spend more than I make.

Yes I know this is my fault but it is also the fault of everyone else. I have become one of the many people who is trying to live beyond my means because that's the life I really want. One where I can go out to dinner without breaking into my savings (which doesnt exist), pay my rent with finesse, go shopping without worrying which credit card I'm maxing out. Problem is, I act like I can do these things. We've all been told that there's nothing wrong with a little debt and as I convince myself looking cute and having what want is work the weight in gold or in this case plastic. I convince mys…

THANKSKILLING - THE MOVIE

"The film was shot in 2007 when creators Kevin Stewart and Jordan Downey were still in college, and it took another two years to finish. ThanksKilling promises nothing but a cheesy good time. It’s the perfect cult film to watch with drinks around Halloween or especially during Thanksgiving! Laugh at it because it’s funny…laugh at it because it’s bad…it’s meant to be taken with a grain of salt. There’s a lot to be learned in setting out to shoot and somehow find distribution for an independent feature film. If nothing else, ThanksKilling is an example of how much time and energy that process takes, no matter what the subject matter is." --Thankskilling.com

So if you like funny, awesome, gory horror movies, then this is the flick for you!! With a NOVEMBER 2009 release date on Amazon.com and in Best Buy stores, you'll be sure to get your fill then!!!

Happy Thanksgiving...If the turkey doesn't kill you first!!

http://thankskillingmovie.com/ Check out the website for more in…

Sonnet

XL

Take all my loves, my love, yea take them all;
What hast thou then more than thou hadst before?
No love, my love, that thou mayst true love call;
All mine was thine, before thou hadst this more.
Then, if for my love, thou my love receivest,
I cannot blame thee, for my love thou usest;
But yet be blam'd, if thou thy self deceivest
By wilful taste of what thyself refusest.
I do forgive thy robbery, gentle thief,
Although thou steal thee all my poverty:
And yet, love knows it is a greater grief
To bear love's wrong, than hate's known injury.
Lascivious grace, in whom all ill well shows,
Kill me with spites yet we must not be foes.


XLIII
When most I wink, then do mine eyes best see,
For all the day they view things unrespected;
But when I sleep, in dreams they look on thee,
And darkly bright, are bright in dark directed.
Then thou, whose shadow shadows doth make bright,
How would thy shadow's form form happy show
To the clear day with thy much clearer light,
When to unseeing eyes thy shade sh…

Drinking on a weeknight...(Good) Bad for business

So I am figuring out that this may or may not be a good idea,
drinking on a work/week night that is.
I have the honor of having great friends, well for the most part. And well, we enjoy a good beer or two. That's a fact!! Or maybe even some fine wine. Point is that we are in our twenties and trying to soak up this little bit of freedom before our future starts. Committed relationships, 9-5 jobs, mortgage payments, marriage, kids, blah blah blah. All the boring stuff we call adulthood ensues after this period of "the early twenties" for most people. And we wonder why women feel like they have a strict timeline to figure it out before...dun dun dun, IT'S TOO LATE.
and they become another label of old hag/maid/slut instead of a trophy wife. Such an obsession with labels and gender roles. We all want to fit in, we all want to belong. Some are the rebels but many of us wish we could be and instead, try hard to fit the mold for the greater approval of our parents, benefactor…

(500) Days of Summer vs. He's Just Not that Into You

Well isn't this fun...Love, love love, love (as said by Ben Stiller in The Heartbreak Kid) is quite interesting now isn't it. Not just by the fact that I may or may not be bitter over my recent breakup with my first love, but more so tickled with delight from these two movies about that very subject, love...or whatever you think it is.

(500) Days of Summer breathed a little life into me and maybe yes some cynicism too. Here's a story of boy meets girl. Boy thinks it's destiny...fate, falls in love. Girl doesn't. It quite the classic tale all juxtaposed to the backdrop of current day Los Angeles as an anti-love story. You have stuck-in-a-rut Tom (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) who's architectural dreams land him at a Greeting Card writing company where he runs into destiny, well actually, Summer(Zooey Deschanel), his boss's new assistant. From the minute Tom see's her he's ruined, convinced that she no doubt is The One and he hadn't even spoken with her …

Hotel Cafe :: Copeland :: Sherwood :: Anchor and Braille

The Hotel Cafe has become one of my many favorite venues in LA!! I went with my concert buddy to see Copeland and Sherwood here and it was an incredible experience. I'd been there before to see Greg Laswell and Sal on Gospel Night and had been blown away but the intimacy, sound quality and overall experience.

I would recommend if you know any artists planning on doing an acoustic set to book here/ see a band here. It's just lovely what this atmosphere does for the audience. From the Bruschetta and fries available for munching, there's bottled beers like San Francisco's AnchorSteam, Stella and quality liquers for drinking. Resonably priced, off Cahuenga and near the Piano Bar, The Hotel Cafe satisfies...

A great range of artists new and establish grace the stage. Sal is a regular pianist and entertainer who is absolutley stunning, makes appearances regularly. Take a lover, take a friend...you'll love it!!!

http://www.hotelcafe.com/

Copeland's Aaron was stun…

Life

Somewhere down the line it seems thats everything we thought we wanted and everything we thought was going to happen in our lives is completely different than that, the said plan. What do we do from here when our "planned" destinies are denied to us? We're supposed to want to do anything we can and fight for what we want. But what if what we want changes based on said failure.?! All I know is somehow in the grand scheme of this we think we know what we want, but we don't. Nobody really does because there are way to many variables in this life that effect the outcome. People have babies with people they don't love, couples are together because they are more afraid to be alone, governments try to take away our freedoms through additonal regulation, our workplaces deny us the raises we deserve and give the execs more power and money...

It really is funny. Since I was 5 I've wanted to be a movie star/entertainer/celebrity. Under those pretenses I did what …

Cute animals'R'Us

AWWWW Seriously...my life is now complete!!

connected by love

"We belong Together" by Gavin DeGraw


We belong together
Like the open seas and shores
Wedded by the planet force
We've both been spoken for
The hammer may strike,
be dead on the ground
A nail to my hand,
a cross on his crown

We're done if we're undone
Finished if we are incomplete
As one we are everything
We are everything we need
We belong together
Like the open seas and shores
Wedded by the planet force
We've both been spoken for

What good is a life, with no one to share
The light of the moon, the honor of a swear
We can try to live the way of which you speak
Taste the milk of your mother earth's love
Spread the word of consciousness you see
We are everything we need
We belong together
Like the open seas and shores
Wedded by the planet force
We've both been spoken for
All this indecision
All this independent strength
Still, we've got our hearts on save
We've got our hearts on save

Someday when you're lonely
Sometime after all this bliss
Somewhere lost in emptiness
I hope…

you-me= still me

I thought and you thought
we had a Cinderella story
from the first time you kissed me
I heard the angels singing
and now its hurting to see your back
your leaving
My heart was full
but now its broken and bleeding

O' Where did we go wrong
What could I have said and done
to make you stay
and love me the way
you did.
you did love me.
you did

It's hurts to let go and it hurts to hold on
where are you now? What's goin' on?
I still love you,
but you're gone.
gone.

Was I the one making up dreams
planning the future, sewing the seams
what was breaking I wanted to mend
or I would lose my very best friend

I pushed and I pulled to make the pieces fit
circles into squares bit after bit
losing myself to help save all of it
I'm gone. you're gone. it's done.

Still I wish somehow
it was different
you loved me now
but even if I'm not your One
I still know it
what's done is done
but our bond will be forever there
underneath and everywhere.
and in my heart, there is a space
for the lo…